The family, especially built on love and trust, is the main moral value for most people, psychological protection and in general, that "safe haven" in which one can take refuge even when the rest, the outer world, took up arms and became hostile. And therefore it is difficult to imagine more swipe than the one that was applied right here, in the most native, and, as it seemed, safe place. Meanwhile, sadly, even the most tender couples and unions built on a strong mutual feeling do not always stand the test of strength. And then a piercing cold wind breaks into your heavenly harbor, squall waves rise and break the recent carefree calm with thunderous news: treason. The person you trusted as yourself, and maybe sometimes even stronger. A man, next to whom it was always warm and safe. Husband, support and support in all your common life plans and affairs. He changed. He betrayed everything that you gave him, your love, your tenderness, you yourself. How to live after cheating husband?
Causes of male infidelity. Why did the husband change?The answer to this question has tormented deceived wives (as well as brides, sweethearts and girls in love) for many centuries. And each of them feels deeply unhappy and offended, sincerely believing that no one has ever experienced such experiences. Nevertheless, the emotions that all victims of infidelity experience are quite similar and have long been studied by both psychologists and simply wise people. And the answer to the question "why did he do it?" like it wasn't, it isn't. As well as the only common cause of change. All people are different - and the reasons that push them to deceive a loved one are also different. Moreover, some are not even inclined to consider their own betrayal a deception or something fundamentally dishonest. There are few such originals, and we will also talk about them. But first things first. In the meantime, let's try to clarify at least a little for ourselves why men cheat on their wives. The most common causes of male infidelity are:
- Sexual dissatisfaction, which can be both qualitative and quantitative intimate life spouses. If the problem is not voiced, not solved and aggravated, sooner or later it will most likely turn into a betrayal.
- Psychological discomfort that accumulates due to the difficult psychological atmosphere in the family. They cheat more often not on gentle and attentive, but on rude, indifferent and cold wives, who often find fault and constantly “saw” their husband.
- Search for new sensations. Regrettably, but some men really tend to prioritize bright emotions over family values. Even if you did not notice such inclinations in your husband, the appearance of a new attractive colleague in the work team, suitable circumstances on vacation or on a business trip may one day show them.
- The unattractiveness of a wife who, years (and sometimes just months) after the wedding, ceases to monitor her appearance, looks untidy at home, does not try to please her husband. Romance in such a family disappears, and the man is looking for her outside the family.
- Accident. That is, he is unhappy for his wife, but quite happy for her husband - the one that he later explains with phrases like “the demon beguiled”, “everything happened by chance”, “I don’t love her, it’s only sex” and “it’s just one once".
Life after betrayal
Psychologists unanimously reassure: there is life after betrayal. Another question is what it is, this life ... Oddly enough, the answer to this question is already ready. And even laid out on the shelves. Figuratively, of course. Because soul scientists tend to view the life of women who have experienced their husband's infidelity as some kind of complex, but quite typical and therefore predictable process. And even divide it into a clear number of successive stages. On the one hand, there is something dry and pragmatic about it. But, on the other hand, being aware of this very fact can help you recognize that your situation is not unique. This means that you are not alone, and, following the example and in the company of many friends in misfortune, you will have to go through the same stages of rebirth as they did. At the very least, you are not groping your way and can expect that your immediate psychological future will line up according to this scheme: 
How to forgive your husband after cheating
Staying with her husband after his betrayal is obtained only by those women who were able to forgive the traitor. Moreover, we are talking about real, sincere forgiveness, and not just an image of condescension. You cannot deceive yourself and live with a disgusted person through force - too. Therefore, if you really firmly decided to keep both the family and the inner closeness with this person, you will have to go through a rather long, deep and difficult process of forgiveness. That's right: forgiveness as an act, not just a result. This may take time, perhaps even time apart. This is exactly what happens in families that reunite after a break. And association - mind you! - this action is mutual, that is, the husband must help you accept it again and want it yourself. He will need patience, manifestations of love for you and, of course, honesty in relationships. For your part, you must promise both to him, and mainly to yourself, not to stir up the past and not to bring back past insults to life either in the heat of quarrels or in your own soul-searching.
To forgive or not to forgive is only your will and your decision. And you should be guided first of all by your own inner voice. On the one hand, there are almost no such offenses that, after the sincere repentance of the culprit, cannot be forgiven. This is evidenced by public morality, and religious traditions, and common sense. On the other hand, what is common sense worth, if next to the once closest and beloved person you still feel cold and uncomfortable now, and you cannot return the former unity of souls. Then the only way out is to let go and not torment him or yourself. And the banal, old, but strong in its simplicity idea that everything in life strives for its place in the world and for harmony can help in this. What is ours will not leave us, and what is left is not ours. And if two people are destined to be together, then they will definitely be, and if not, then no common sense and wisdom will restore broken family. And who can guarantee that the person with whom you are destined, this is the cheating husband. Perhaps betrayal and separation were needed just so that you, freed, met your true fate. Whatever or whoever it is. Therefore, look more boldly into the future and believe that all the best, bright, kind and joyful is there ahead. And it's waiting for you.
Cheating on a husband is tantamount to betrayal. It is especially difficult to survive the news of a long-term romance on the side. And if a short, random betrayal can still be forgiven by explaining it as male polygamy, then the presence of a constant mistress often pushes the spouse to break off relations.
But, not every woman will decide to destroy her own family - too much has been passed, experienced together, life has been established. Again, children, and material stability plays an important role.
But, strong resentment and mental pain do not let go, they interfere with continuing relations with a person who has ceased to be a support and protection. Even if he sincerely repented, life would no longer be the same as before.
How to live after cheating husband? How to forgive? How to forget everything? And is it necessary? Many women ask these questions. Today on the site "Popular about health", we will talk about this problem. So, what do the advice of psychologists say about living together after the betrayal of her husband:
How to live after betrayal?
Control your own emotions. No hints, reproaches, let alone tantrums and insults. If negative thoughts and emotions overwhelm you, talk about them not with your husband, but with another close person - a friend, mother, sister. Do not bring negativity home.
You know that people are imperfect and they tend to sin and err. Therefore, remember that once you promised to always stay with your loved one, to forgive and support him even in very difficult situations.
If it becomes very bad, describe your emotions, thoughts and feelings on paper, throw out your pain. Then reread. Over time, you will see that your thoughts and feelings are no longer so categorical.
Some women after the betrayal of her husband go to bed separately from him. Do not do that. This will make you further apart from each other. You can't refuse sex. Intimate relationships will help restore harmony and tenderness to your family.
And do not compare yourself with a rival, do not imagine your husband in her arms. Now he is with you, you won, which means you are better than her and stronger.
In general, remind yourself more often that you are the most best woman on the ground. If in doubt, then increase your self-esteem: take care of yourself, your appearance, figure. Buy something, make yourself something nice.
But don't forget your husband. It is also hard for him, he realizes that he is guilty, although he may not show it. Talk to him, show care. Just avoid topics about his romance, do not elicit details, do not inflict unnecessary emotional wounds on either him or yourself. And try to give him what he was looking for in another woman.
Think about it, or gently ask when speaking frankly about it. A man who decides to cheat usually lacks more than just sex in the family.
Remember more often why you fell in love with this person, what you were both at the beginning of your relationship. Look at him and appreciate the positive qualities and traits. Because you all love him too.
If your loved one has repented, if he does not repeat his previous mistakes, and you have forgiven him and are trying to forget the offense, your relationship will definitely reach a new, higher and stronger level. According to psychologists, the spouses will be able to completely start living in a new way in 2-3 years.
What Not to Do?
If you find out about your spouse's infidelity, never, under any circumstances, allow yourself to:
Humiliate, sob, hysteria, grab him by the legs so that he doesn’t leave. Beg him to leave the homeowner and stay in the family. Make suicide attempts or scare your husband with them. Even worse is threatening to kill children (and it happens). All this will not stop him, on the contrary, it will make him run away from you, even if he was not going to do this.
Look for a meeting with his woman, call, threaten her, scandal or fight. By doing this, you will only humiliate yourself and you can lose your husband forever. He may not leave, but he will not stop secret meetings. Remember, his mistress does not forcibly hold him, he himself wants to be with her.
Do not seek pity from other, strangers. This will not cause sincere sympathy. Cheating is common these days. And your situation is not unique.
How to forgive your husband after cheating?
Only those women who could sincerely forgive can stay with the person who cheated. If you only pretend to forgive, nothing will work. It is impossible to deceive yourself and you will not be able to live with a person who will constantly remind you of betrayal.
Therefore, if you have firmly decided to save your family, to return spiritual intimacy with this person, you need to sincerely, from the bottom of your heart, forgive him.
But, it is a long and complicated process. It may take a long time. You may even need to live apart for a while.
Focus on your feelings. There are practically no such acts for which it is impossible to forgive a repentant person. Religious traditions and moral norms will remind you of this, and common sense will also tell you.
And, if you are destined to be with this man, then you can forgive and restore relationships. If not, then no arguments and common sense will help glue broken feelings together.
What to do if the husband is cheating? Many women at one time or another in their lives experience the infidelity of their husband. Married life cannot be called smooth; there are always issues that require close attention. You can't just pick up and let things take their course. A woman should, first of all, take care of her internal state, and only then decide on her further actions. Otherwise, you can make a lot of mistakes, which later can hardly be quickly corrected. What to do after cheating husband? How to forgive the betrayal of her husband and move on? Let's try to understand these difficult questions.
Feeling analysis
A woman who has faced such a dramatic experience in her life needs to sort herself out. In most cases, thoughts immediately begin to come to mind about their own female insolvency and unattractiveness. If such thoughts arise, you need to pay attention to them and work out the situation.
Does a woman feel her sexuality and relevance? Do you feel affection from your spouse? All this is very important, no aspect can be ignored. How to forgive a husband after infidelity? Many women, not having dealt with their own feelings, immediately begin to think about whether it is necessary to forgive their husband's betrayal.
I don’t want to lose my family, especially when relationships have been built over the years and strengthened over time. In addition, a woman is often afraid to be alone. For this reason, she is ready to close her eyes to treason, to pretend that she does not know about it.
Of course, such an approach will sooner or later cause the deepest internal conflict. The inability to open up and show your feelings can significantly complicate life, ruin relations with your spouse completely. That's why it's so important to know how to take care of yourself.
A situation of humiliation and neglect should not be allowed, when a woman simply endures the situation for years and continues to live with her husband after his betrayal. A woman cannot forget her husband's betrayal and suffers a lot. The opinion of a psychologist is usually aimed at restoring peace of mind, at seeing some way out of the situation. The priest's advice will also help you come to your senses, calm down.
This is the first thing you should try to get back after your husband's betrayal. As a rule, self-esteem is wounded if the husband has changed. The wife does not know how to behave, how to live on, so as not to destroy her own attitude towards herself. Respect for your person - that's what you need to take care of when it comes to adultery. If a woman ceases to respect herself, she should not expect this from a partner, since a man will always treat her the way she herself allows him. What to do if the husband is cheating? Psychologist's advice helps to concentrate on what is really important for a woman.
Self-respect begins with acceptance of your own strengths and weaknesses. Such a woman will never look sloppy in front of a man. She always cares about how she looks, what impression she makes on others. It is impossible to achieve a respectful attitude towards one's own person if one allows situations of self-humiliation. At the moment when it becomes known that the question of how to survive the betrayal of her husband comes to the fore, you need to focus on your feelings as much as possible. The advice of a psychologist in this case is very useful. You cannot ignore your own feelings, as this can lead to a complete misunderstanding of what is really happening. The female essence does not allow humiliation at all. That's why it's worth fighting to feel better. Then later you won’t have to think about how to survive betrayal and divorce.
Break free from addictive relationships
Very often, the fair sex find themselves in situations where, for one reason or another, they are afraid of losing the wrong partner. Being in a similar situation, they are not even thinking about whether to forgive their husband's infidelity, but about how to survive their husband's infidelity and save the family. The most important thing for them is the physical presence of the one they call a loved one. However, few people seriously think about what really close person will never resort to treason, will not hurt his soulmate.
Undoubtedly, betrayal can destroy relationships so that they will never be the same again. Suspecting a husband of treason, you need to know what to do next. Otherwise, you can completely lose self-respect. Such women need to seriously think about whether it is worth forgiving their husband's betrayal? Perhaps it is better to save your own spiritual comfort? After all, no one will return to a woman her own happy sense of self, will not bring her happiness if she herself does not know how to be happy.
How to survive cheating husband? It is unlikely that in this situation, throwing a tantrum and wringing hands will help. You need to find the strength in yourself to express the surging feelings. No need to remain silent and hope that everything will somehow normalize on its own. What should I do if my husband is constantly cheating?
How to forget cheating husband? Psychologists advise bringing him to a frank conversation. Of course, this must be done delicately, without allowing any humiliation. A frank conversation will help to really understand the existing problem. When there is no mutual trust and agreement between spouses, they stop sharing intimate experiences with each other. The psychological component here is great importance. If the husband confessed to treason, then the conversation was not in vain. It will only be possible to save a marriage if both partners want to restore relations.
When a wife finds out that her husband is cheating on her, her whole inner world flips over. It becomes quite difficult for her to talk on familiar topics, she does not know how to live after her husband's betrayal. This situation requires not only special attention, but also additional moral strength. Because if at such a moment there is simply no energy to cope with the situation, then it can drag on indefinitely. After all, it is really not uncommon for a husband to change all the time, and a woman cannot forgive betrayal.
As a result, it turns out that after a while the wife cheats on her husband herself. Such an act should be regarded not just as weakness, but as an inability to influence anything in the relationship. This is an unhealthy relationship where a woman puts herself in complete dependence on a partner. For the sake of preserving imaginary values, she is ready to sacrifice everything, including her youth, beauty and optimistic outlook on life. Of course, with the systematic repetition of the situation, there is no talk of any internal respect for oneself.
It is better to go through betrayal and divorce from your husband once than to constantly rush about in fears and doubts. A changed man must definitely try to call to account. If under no circumstances is he going to correct his mistake, divorce can be a worthy way out. When a spouse constantly lies and behaves incorrectly towards a woman, she should think about whether she would not be better off away from him. Forgetting a person and calming down in this case is simply necessary. This can only be done when he is far away.
After leaving the life of the second half, you can try to think about forgiveness. But you should not get ahead of events. How is it possible to forgive a cheating husband before forgiving the one who cheated? If the husband cheats with enviable constancy, forgive and forget becomes an impossible task. After all, it turns out that he intends to lie further, and is not going to change for the sake of further happy life. No useful recommendations and advice from a psychologist on how to live after her husband's infidelity will not work if the woman does not work on herself.
sincere remorse
Such a case occurs when adultery occurred by accident. For example, it can be a response to an insult or be the result of alcohol abuse. In this case, reflections on how to forget her husband's infidelity, and how to live after her husband's infidelity, become quite appropriate. If a man sincerely repents of his deed, then, of course, it would not be the best decision to immediately put him out the door. The advice of a psychologist is useful to those who are thinking how to forgive their husband's infidelity.
You should not multiply your suffering. However, a woman often does this unconsciously, completely unaware that by doing so she forces herself to experience the traumatic event again and again. How to forgive the betrayal of her husband and move on? The main thing to understand is that you cannot force yourself to anything. When a woman commits an act that contradicts her inner state, she loses her vitality. The energy starts to drain from her. Absorbed by the question of how to forget her husband's betrayal, she stops thinking about herself. And this cannot be allowed.
Appearance
How to live after cheating husband? Any woman will be helped to cope with mental pain by such an activity as caring for her own beauty. Having changed externally, it will be easier to survive the spiritual emptiness. First you need to restore peace of mind, and then decide whether you need to forgive your husband's betrayal.
Thus, the advice of a psychologist is addressed to those women who do not know what to do if their husband is cheating. Surviving when a husband cheats is very difficult. Here you need to look at the situation, consider the problem from different angles. Is it possible to forgive a cheating husband? Yes, you can. But only if he himself repents of it.
The betrayal of a loved one is the hardest blow for any woman. In one second, the world is turned upside down and filled with black colors. A new range of emotions covers a woman with her head: pain, rage, resentment, disappointment. In this state, it is easy to "break a lot of firewood" and make irreparable mistakes. But stop, pull yourself together and think, is it possible to forgive betrayal?
"A Sound of Thunder!"
Every woman is different. Some have long suspected the faithful of all sins and finally find convincing evidence of treason. Others learn about everything thanks to a random SMS, and for others, the news of a betrayal becomes completely unexpected. In any case, this realization is a huge stress for a woman, which she does not always manage to cope with.
post-traumatic mental disorder
On the Holmes and Ray stress scale, infidelity is equated to the death of one of the spouses. It is these emotions that overwhelm a deceived woman. Before she regains her ability to think soberly and make informed decisions, she must go through five stages of accepting the situation:
- Shock. At this stage, it seems to a woman that everything that happened to her is someone's ridiculous fiction, and even direct evidence of infidelity cannot make her believe in her husband's betrayal.
- Deal. At this stage, women make the most mistakes. They begin to perform many mutually exclusive actions in the hope of returning everything "as it was before."
- Aggression. The anger caused by the betrayal of her husband must inevitably have its way out. At this moment, noisy scandals begin with breaking dishes and mutual accusations. It was during this period that the deceived woman says with all her actions: "You betrayed me and it hurts me!"
- Sadness. This stage is characterized by long and painful memories of a happy past before the appearance of a rival. A woman becomes inert, looks at photographs for a long time and reacts painfully to her friends' stories about her marital happiness.
- Reconciliation. The woman comes to terms with the situation, and her first thoughts begin to visit whether it is worth forgiving her husband's betrayal. She begins to weigh the pros and cons, trying to somehow plan her future life. It is at this stage that you can start negotiations with your husband and try to establish a life together.
How long does PTSD last?
Professional psychologists advise not to make radical decisions until all five stages have passed. For each woman, they last a different period of time. It depends on the age, upbringing and social status of the lady. On average, the journey from "shock" to "reconciliation" takes about three months, which is best spent away from an unfaithful husband. Unnecessary quarrels and scandals will only exacerbate an already difficult state of affairs. You should not approach serious changes in life, guided by resentment and emotions.
Love and betrayal: a female look
Psychologically, it is very difficult for a woman to understand the reason for infidelity, and she plunges into the abyss of soul-searching in search of the culprit. In this process, she can make many mistakes that will significantly affect her self-esteem and her future life. So, what happens to a woman who knows about her husband's betrayal:
- A woman with irresistible force strives to see her rival with at least one eye. This should not be done under any pretext. Visualizing a rival will only aggravate the state of depression and longing in which the deceived wife is immersed. Think about it, if the opponent turns out to be younger, more beautiful and more successful, what blow to your ego will this cause? Psychologists note that the image of a rival is practically imprinted in the mind of a woman, and she begins to cultivate shortcomings in herself (obvious or imaginary), causing self-pity from her husband and friends. To get out of this state, she will need many months of careful work on herself. Most likely, the help of a professional psychoanalyst will be needed.
- The woman blames herself for everything that happened. Most often, such a reaction occurs in women with the psychotype of the victim. The deceived wife seeks to correct the situation and become several times better than her rival. She extinguishes the anger caused by betrayal, and activates the functions of the mother, mistress and mistress, bringing them almost to perfection. Unfortunately, this path cannot help a woman survive the betrayal of her husband, and after a while she comes to the stage of aggression. In particularly difficult cases, the suppression of anger can lead the deceived woman to the clinic of neuroses, quite often neuroses provoke the appearance of other diseases, such as ulcers and cancer.
- Overly emotional persons throw out all their pain on a man. They see only him as the culprit of the betrayal that happened and in every possible way remind him of what happened. Unfortunately, a woman is not able to think rationally at such moments, and with her behavior she repels her husband. After a while, when emotions subside, a woman can understand that the family is already lost and the man has made the final decision by choosing a rival.
It is worth noting that any reaction of a woman to her husband's betrayal is a normal and natural attempt to survive the situation. The main thing is that a woman should allow herself to throw out negative emotions and approach the solution of the problem with a sober head. If for six months she cannot cope with her emotions and her husband's betrayal still causes uncontrollable anger in her, it is necessary to contact a specialist who will help her approach the stage of "reconciliation" with the betrayal that has happened.
Why is he changing?
A clear understanding of the mechanism of male infidelity plays an important role in solving the problem of betrayal. For a woman, love and betrayal are absolutely incompatible things. loving wife will always be faithful to her man and accept him with all the shortcomings. The male psyche is arranged differently, and various factors can serve as the cause of infidelity.
After analyzing the situation, because of which the man betrayed her, the woman can come to the beginning of the search for a way out of this difficult conflict. Most often there are only two ways:
- accepting the situation and continuing to live together by virtue of character, then be prepared for a repetition of the situation, but a single betrayal provoked by problems in the family will most likely never happen again);
- preparation of documents for divorce.
Whatever the reason for the betrayal, before saying "You betrayed me!" and make a fateful decision, it is required to consider the problem from several sides.
Notice of change
Before deciding on a divorce, it is worth analyzing how the news of the betrayal came to the family. Of course, it is necessary to start such an analysis after all emotions subside, and only if the woman has come close to the moment of making a decision. There are a great many options for learning about betrayal, but two of them clearly indicate that a man does not want to ruin his family and break off relations with his wife:
- Deliberately ostentatious evidence of treason. In some cases, men deliberately do everything to be caught by their other half. They leave open pages in in social networks, put in a conspicuous place a phone with intimate correspondence or a receipt from the store. All these actions have as their goal only one thing - to show the wife that her urgent intervention and changes in the family are required.
- Conversation with a partner. Many women learn about the betrayal of the faithful from the rival herself. She may call or come to a meeting to share the details of her whirlwind romance. You should not show your emotions and immediately break off relations with your husband. Most often, it is precisely this reaction that the opponent hopes for. As practice shows, a fruitless expectation pushes her to such an act. decisive action by the lover. A man refuses to leave the family and continues his relationship with his wife, so the decision to open your eyes to infidelity becomes the only way to provoke your wife into a divorce from an unfaithful spouse.
If you found out about the betrayal in any of the above ways, then you have every chance to save the marriage and start all over again.
Preparing for an important conversation
Conversation with an unfaithful husband requires maximum preparation and tension from a woman nervous system. Keep in mind that during the conversation, some "pitfalls" may come up that you need to be prepared for:
- cheating on a husband is not always a betrayal (many men do not consider physical betrayal a good reason to destroy a family);
- denial of one's guilt (quite often men instinctively shift responsibility for what happened onto the shoulders of their wives and mistresses);
- refusal to have a serious heart-to-heart talk.
Remember that a surge of negative emotions will have a detrimental effect on communication with your husband, try not only to express your grievances, but also to hear his explanations. Do not try to play any role, it will not lead to a good result. Talk about your resentment, pain, disappointment, but do it calmly and as detachedly as possible. Don't be afraid to ask your husband questions and hear the answers. Perhaps this conversation will clarify many points in your family that you did not even notice before. Ideally, an honest and open conversation should tell you how to live after your husband's betrayal.
The beginning of the exit from the crisis
If a heart-to-heart conversation took place and you still decided to save your relationship, then be prepared for a long and hard work. First of all, listen to your feelings. What would you like? How do you dream of building your life? What needs to be changed? husband and start over? Most likely, you will not find answers to these questions right away. And, believe me, you will never find it alone. You need to be in close contact with your husband, voicing all your emotions and desires. Many couples who successfully survived this stage noted that they had never been as close to each other before as after betrayal. For most of them, the appearance of a mistress has become an incentive for serious and positive changes in family life.
How to get rid of a rival?
Usually, after accepting the situation and deciding to save the family, a woman expects the situation with her rival to resolve itself. But, unfortunately, the lovebird does not disappear anywhere, and the woman finds herself in a new circle of grievances and claims. Many wives give an ultimatum and every day remind their husband of their nobility and his guilt before the family. This situation brings the couple to a new round of conflict, which often leads to the separation of the spouses. How to behave in this situation? How to trust a husband after betrayal? How to make sure that the rival has disappeared forever from your life? Carefully observe the husband's behavior, most often he will compare two women in order to make a final decision. You should not be perfect and fearfully wait for a new day. Take care of yourself and stop worrying about your husband cheating. A woman who often leaves the house, takes care of her appearance and leaves free time for some activity that develops her personality, always arouses interest in a man. Feel free to leave your children with your husband and ask him to spend time with them. The more time your man gives to his family, the more negativity he will receive from his rival. As a result, the decision to save the family will seem to him the most faithful and the only correct one. Of course, trust in her husband will not be restored in a few days or even months. But here, visiting a family psychologist, reading special books, or buying audio lectures can help you. You will be surprised how many women have experienced this problem. Each answered the question of how to trust her husband after betrayal, and found her own ways to forgive her husband.
Summarizing all of the above, it is safe to say that cheating is not the end of a relationship. According to statistics, many families become even closer and stronger after experiencing betrayal. To save the family and rediscover yourself, psychologists advise you to carefully listen to the following recommendations:
- be calm and self-confident, men cannot stand tears and violent tantrums;
- analyze the motives of the spouse that pushed him to change;
- your main weapon in the fight against a rival is humor, such a woman always remains out of competition;
- throw out all your negativity, but when your spouse is not around;
- forgive your husband, even if you decide to part with him, it will ease your soul and make you stronger;
- know how to be responsible for the decision made (if you save the family, then exclude the accusations against the spouse);
- ask your husband for help in overcoming always striving to be a knight and will do everything possible to regain your trust in him);
- improve as a woman (every day strive to be better than yourself yesterday);
- learn to be an interlocutor (do not just nod and agree with your husband, but really perceive his problems and troubles).
Be above the situation, and then betrayal will not become the element that in an instant will destroy the family carefully built by you to the ground.
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Adultery is regarded as a betrayal. It is difficult to imagine the feeling of bitterness, frustration and confusion of the wife when she finds out about her husband's infidelity. There is a feeling that the meaning of life is lost, sudden news plunges into depression. How to save a family after a cheating husband - advice from a psychologist give an answer to a nagging question.
Any unpleasant situation in the life of the spouses seems to them a catastrophe. But betrayal is a case that cannot be compared with anything. The female sex is much more difficult to experience this event. Some women can confidently say that adultery is comparable to the death of a relative.
We must prepare for serious difficulties if the lady decided to save the family. She will have to go through painful periods, which, in addition to loss of trust, flow along with a sense of betrayal, shame and severe pain.
The perception of what happened depends on the degree of pride of the woman. If she is too jealous, you need to prepare to confront yourself, since tracking every action of a loved one is not a very effective method for saving a family. In the end, this will encourage the husband to cheat on his wife again.
Pride is another reason for the inevitable internal struggle. You will have to fight with your own causticity and the desire to humiliate the traitor. In such a situation, the beloved may not endure this and go to another.
If a woman decides to be an eternal victim, then the family will also have an unfavorable outcome. Consciously or not, with or without reproaches, the lady will create a situation in which the spouse will feel eternally guilty of any problems, whether they happened or not.
But how to build family life after cheating spouse? Is it possible? The answer to the question is positive. Situations when betrayal by the husband acts as cement for a collapsing marriage, oddly enough, there are.
Watch the video. How to survive change. Councils of the family psychologist.
Varieties of treason
Adultery can be different. You can not judge the actions of a spouse, give advice without knowing the details of what happened.
Ringed men commit adultery for several reasons:
- One night stand, lust or sexual dream come true;
- Fleeting passion, new emotions, fresh sensations, improved self-esteem;
- Love / falling in love, which ends with a long romance.
A one-time betrayal is easier to forgive, a husband could take such a step due to some special circumstances. Of course, this does not mitigate his guilt, but an understanding of male psychology clarifies a lot.
A smart woman knows that a man by nature is a conqueror and a hunter, so a possible betrayal by her husband is never excluded. There is always hope, I want to believe that my husband is not like that, but the facts say otherwise.
Sometimes a man can sleep with another because of intimate incompatibility with his wife, saving her from his vulgar desires, with which he is afraid to offend his beloved. It is not easier for the wife from such “courting” for her, but the husband has a special opinion on this matter, he is sure of the correctness of his own actions.
Sex is also possible due to alcohol intoxication, when a man is not able to refuse a lustful girl seeking him. Most likely, after sobering up, he realizes his guilt, and will try not to make such mistakes again.
70% of men cheat
As a rule, eternal "hunters" or husbands who have been married for more than a dozen years are involved in the search for new sensations. Monotony, stability, children, family worries, eventually tire.
Unexpected Appearance beautiful girl often starts on the wrong road married man creates the illusion of happiness. He feels young again, gets the opportunity to change his boring position, rejoices that someone else is interested in him.
Causes of betrayal
All people are different. This also applies to the male half of the population.
There are several reasons why cheating occurs:
- Lifestyle. A man is not used to monotony. Despite the feelings he has for only one woman, he is not against intrigues on the side. It is more interesting for him to live if the partners often change;
- Boring life. The man is tired of the routine. From day to day, the spouse does not change either in the kitchen or in intimate life. The husband gets tired of this, and he begins to look for something new;
- Increasing self-esteem. If the spouse is not devoid of complexes, and the wife teases him with this, he begins to assert himself with other women;
- Hypersexuality. There is a kind of man who never gets enough sex. If the spouse is unable to give her husband the amount of intimacy he needs, then he will make up for the "norm" with the help of other women;
- Spouse indifference. A husband can sometimes not understand a constant headache wives. In particular, this applies to the moment when everything goes to sex. Such an attitude of his beloved makes him go for treason;
- Dissatisfaction. This occurs in cases where the spouse is not able to give the man the desired sensations from sex.
So that your husband does not think about intercourse with another lady, try to devote more time to him. If you still have difficulties regarding this problem, but you don’t want to bring the matter to a divorce, then go to a psychologist for help. He will tell you how to learn to forgive the betrayal of a spouse without losing self-esteem.
Watch the video. Signs of male infidelity. How do you know if it changes or not?
Signs of betrayal
Almost any lady can easily recognize adultery.
To verify the suspicions of the infidelity of her husband, it is enough to pay attention to the following points:
- Mobile phone. Despite the man's attempts to hide something, the spouse can understand this by his behavior, for example, if the husband, answering the call, retires to another room or speaks with some kind of encrypted meaning. Frequent SMS also make you think. But you should not immediately think about betrayal, maybe your spouse just decided to give you an unexpected gift;
- Appearance. If the husband suddenly changed his image, became more attentive to himself - think about it. This may be a wake-up call;
- Late returns from work. All wives know the schedule and features of the work of the spouses. If a man began to return home late, pay attention to this. It is possible that another woman became the cause of constant delays;
- Deception. A woman is able to think logically, so it is not difficult for her to guess where the lie is and where the truth is, especially if you take into account the details that the spouse did not take into account.
If you notice such oddities in the behavior of a loved one and think that he is cheating on you, do not get excited. Better think about the possible reason. You will probably understand how to forgive your husband and improve family relationships. You can part at any time, but save family idyll Not every wife can do it.
Husband cheated but won't leave
A man can stay in a family after infidelity for various reasons.
The most common are:
- The frivolity of the novel. Under this circumstance, the man is not sure that he is ready to leave the family and doubts his love for a new passion. There is a possibility that this is a passing hobby;
- Weakness of spirit does not allow to speak honestly about treason. This requires considerable psychological effort;
- The husband does not want to hurt his wife, but in this situation, love is out of the question. It's a simple pity. Most often, they learn about betrayal during a quarrel or an unexpected meeting of a mistress with her husband;
- common past. In such a situation, the spouse simply does not want to interrupt such a long joint life path. After all, during this time you had children, together you solved more than one problem;
- The husband wants to return to the old relationship. It is likely that he is simply confused, and decided to resurrect his feelings for you by starting everything from scratch.
Is it worth keeping a family?
Psychologists cannot give an exact answer to this question, because you need to solve it yourself.
Before you decide, imagine how your life will turn out after a divorce or think about the prospects later life with husband. Try to sort out your feelings.
Try to find an independent person who will delve into your problem. Try not to talk about this topic with loved ones - they will not soon forgive a man for inflicting a spiritual wound on you.
Find out if your husband has decided to stay in the family or intends to leave. What do you yourself want? The conversation will help you understand what to do next with your relationship.
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How to build relationships
He remained in the family, although there was an opportunity to leave. He's there and that's what matters. A man is not easy to stop if he has new love. If he stayed, then this characterizes his betrayal as a one-time affair, and the spouse does not want to end family relations. This is a simple formula that you need to know when determining further fate family life.
Look at the problem from a different angle: how often do husbands marry their mistresses? It has long been known that the probability is extremely small. This suggests that it is not so easy for a husband to decide to break family relations. His wife is more important to him than a little-known lady.
Firstly, in the future they will once again remind you of the betrayal of your spouse, forcing you to show negative emotions. Secondly, you will save your husband's reputation. There is nothing wrong with the fact that your friends will continue to respect the head of the family.
It is highly undesirable that your children know about the betrayal of your spouse, so you should not quarrel in their presence.
What to do if the husband cheated
The very first and simple advice in such a situation is to calm down, do not make unreasonable decisions.
Analyze the situation and decide what to do after the betrayal of the spouse.
There are two options:
- Get a divorce;
- Forgive the betrayal, save the relationship.
Any development event will not be easy. You need to make a choice consciously, without trying to change it.
Experts are sure that jealous wives can force them to betray, as men get tired of quarrels and accusations for no reason.
When making a choice, trust your intuition. If you think that it is impossible to live as if nothing happened, then you should not mock yourself. An unhappy woman will not be able to bestow care and tenderness on her family.
Do not be afraid of someone's reproaches, you yourself are the director of your own destiny. There will always be people around you who judge you and who think they have something to teach you. You need to distance yourself from such individuals.
Don't delay and call your spouse for straight Talk. You are close enough to be able to discuss everything in a civilized way.
Upon learning of her husband's infidelity, the lady needs to pull herself together. A woman often evaluates a situation by looking at it from different angles, constantly replaying an unpleasant situation in her head and hurting herself.
For men, the process is somewhat different. For him, cheating is something like fun. Loving a woman is serious, and trips to the left are just a way to get new sensations.
You shouldn't torture yourself. Talk to your husband immediately as soon as you find out about the betrayal. This will speed up the process of making a decision about your future destiny.
If third parties told you about the betrayal - do not be nervous, first talk with your spouse. Do not trust friends and acquaintances too much, as some may try to make discord in the family, envying you.
But if, nevertheless, such an event really happened, do not immediately start to panic. It is better to think about how to forgive your husband, and whether it is worth doing.
Watch the video. Change: forgive or not?
Often, male infidelity occurs by chance, for example, while intoxicated. You should not immediately admit to your wife that you are unfaithful, because after that you can only expect a major scandal. The wife may not understand that it was an accident.
Try to immediately correct your mistake, smooth over the guilt, if you do not want to ruin the relationship. Think about what caused your wrong act, and who is to blame.
If you are sure it is random connection- go to parties with your wife. She will be able to stop you at the right time.
40% of wives do not forgive cheating
Sometimes a woman does not understand how to forgive her husband's betrayal. Do not complicate the situation, because the beloved may simply not give you a chance.
What not to do
Family is close and dear to each other people. Time adds to a person understanding and feelings for a loved one. But betrayal violates this harmony, makes you forget what happened. And the spouses begin to blame each other for this.
