What prevents us from easily and simply communicating with people - talking, maintaining contact? After all, speaking is one of the most important human abilities.
There are many reasons, among which the most popular are:
Shyness,
- fear of saying something stupid
- fear of being misunderstood
- unwillingness to express one's opinion -
and many other excuses that hide the psychological problem of communication. How to communicate with people correctly so that this process brings joy, how to reveal the secret of the ability to talk and negotiate -.
Why you can't talk to people the right way
The ability to communicate with people is required daily. Thanks to the ability to speak, we can communicate our thoughts, make friends, confess our love, achieve career growth and stay confident in any life situation. The whole life of a modern person consists of intersections with other people, and communication skills are simply necessary.
But what if the conversation doesn't work? Fear, isolation, unsociableness, uncertainty - all this does not make it possible to find a common language with the interlocutor. Yury Burlan's System-Vector Psychology helps to unravel the secret of effective communication.
Communicative interaction is the action of transmitting and receiving information between people. It seems that everything is simple and clear. But for some reason, a failure occurs, and a person cannot easily perform these same actions. The reasons lie in his psyche, which determines thoughts, hidden motives, priorities. Regardless of education or age, the psychology of communication is closely related to a set of desires and values of a particular person, called vectors.
Rules of communication psychology: for whom it is important
For the owner of the anal vector, the problem will be the fear of disgrace, to say something wrong, out of place. An excellent memory and the ability to analyze past events carefully preserve in his thoughts all past mistakes and mistakes.
His innate perfectionism and attention to detail make him constantly scroll through a different set of conversation options in his head, thinking about the next word. Therefore, his speech is slow, burdened with many details, often unnecessary to the interlocutor. If he is interrupted during a conversation or forced to speak faster, he may fall into a stupor and lose the thread of the conversation.
The tendency to generalize from bad personal experience instead of productively applying one's analytical skills in professional activities inevitably leads to a fear of communication. And even if such a person starts attending trainings on communicating with people, problems are likely to remain. The set of rules and guidelines received there shows how to work on the investigation, but will not be able to remove the cause of uncertainty and difficulties in communication.
And this is important - to realize the causes of their fears and problems. It's like a medical diagnosis. When it is accurately set and the cause of the disease is determined, it can be cured. Knowing how the psyche works, its properties can be used to the benefit of others and to your own joy.
It's scary to communicate with people: how to overcome yourself
And if it’s scary not only to communicate, but even to live? The huge emotional amplitude of the owner of the visual vector sometimes plays cruel jokes with him. The range of emotions from boundless happiness to the same boundless grief and longing. An amazingly rich imagination throws up fantastic stories with catastrophes, murders and innumerable misfortunes.
It is people with a visual vector who have the strongest fears, panic attacks and anxiety.
The innate fear of death is the root emotion, as the cause of the whole variety of phobias remains with the visual person, when all his thoughts revolve around fear for himself and his own safety. He begins to be afraid to communicate with people, playing in his head fantastic stories about robberies, violence, murders. The spectator's fantasies are so vivid and exciting that he begins to believe them, to live in a fictional reality and cannot get out of there.
The paradox is that fantasies are transferred to real life. The more the viewer is afraid for himself, the more fears he has, the more often he gets into situations where he becomes a victim of stories that are no longer fictional. He cannot be confident. It “smells” of fear, of “victim”, and everyone catches this smell - from dogs that growl and bite such people to rapists and robbers.
Psychologists' advice on how to overcome fear, overcome yourself, stop being afraid, does not give any result. And this is understandable. After all, again we are trying to fight the investigation, not understanding the causes of any fears, including the fear of communicating with people. Awareness of one's properties and desires allows a person to get rid of all the problems associated with hypertrophied self-care and fear for oneself.
Empathy for other people, relatives, friends, friends allows the viewer to establish a strong emotional contact with the interlocutor and share his sorrows and joys with him. In this case, the fear goes away and there is no communication problem at all. On the contrary, such people are drawn to. They want to be with them, feeling genuine sympathy and empathy.
How to learn to communicate when I'm not interested in you
Sound people are idea generators. But with whom to share them? Who can understand and discuss them? Brilliant in potential, but difficult to communicate, as if obsessed with themselves and their thoughts, sound engineers often close in on themselves, they do not make good contact with people. They cannot clearly and simply express their thoughts, because the meaning is clear to them, and it is no longer interesting to pronounce the entire chain of words.
Egocentric by nature, arrogant and "the smartest", people with a sound vector can engage in spiritual self-improvement, the psychology of which is to know what is not in the material world. Of course, finding like-minded people for such communication is not easy. But if this happens, then two sound engineers will discuss the higher worlds, spiritual topics, or happily remain silent, sitting at night under the starry sky.
To answer the age-old questions - who am I, where do I come from and where am I going? - the sound engineer needs to realize his desires and peculiarities. Realizing that his main desire is to know himself, the people around him and the meaning of life, the sound engineer can get out of his "shell" and begin to learn about the world around him. The transfer of concentration from one's internal states to others completely solves all the problems of communication with people.
The sacramental phrase "Hello, king, very nice!" – the pinnacle of your communication skills? Besides, even Ivan Vasilyevich managed to say it more affably than you?
And because of this, the vacation was “covered with a copper basin”, the teacher did not set a test, and your lovely daughter is not taken to a music school?
Do not be sad!
We will teach how to communicate with people correctly so that after each conversation with you a person “bloomed and groined”.
We do not promise instant results, but it is worth making a little effort - and you will become a real master of conversations.
And do I need it? 7 reasons to learn how to communicate with people
For those who look at us frowningly and are perplexed, why work on how to communicate with people (from the series “Love us black, and everyone will love us white”), we are ready to give weighty arguments:
You need to learn how to communicate in order to get a job.
Well, how are you going to persuade if, when talking with a potential employer, you become clumsy, like Pinocchio, and carry nonsense, next to which even the lyrics of Zemfira's early songs are an example of "iron" logic?
you will have to learn how to communicate with people in order to find mutual understanding with colleagues.
But how else can you persuade the sweetest Alenka to replace you on Wednesday, and the system administrator Serezha - to turn a blind eye to the fact that you spend 90% of your working time on culinary sites?
it is necessary to communicate properly in the family.
Otherwise, "epic" wars on the topic "Who ate the last cutlet and did not wash the pan?" not to be avoided;
it is necessary to communicate properly with service personnel(sellers, waiters, client managers, etc.).
You look - and in sunny Turkey you are settled in a "luxury" for the price of a standard room, and the seller of carpets with tears in his eyes gives the goods with a 30% discount;
learn how to properly communicate with superiors.
And this does not mean at all that when “His Holiness of all firm” appears, you need to cover your face with your hands so as not to go blind from the outgoing radiance.
Behave with dignity!
You need to learn how to properly communicate with children.
And no Montessori and Paul Bragg will help if you yourself do not learn how to get along with your little pet "monster";
psychologists say that even the most "tightened" introvert has a need to learn how to communicate.
And this is just as necessary for your mental health as not seeing your mother-in-law more than once a month!
Ten! 10 main rules of how to communicate with people
“The gods don’t mold pots,” but not only professional psychologists know how to communicate with people correctly, so arm yourself with our advice and go ahead for the glory of “the most charming and attractive”:
You can communicate correctly only by delving into what the interlocutor says.
Do you want to be known as a charmer? Then you will have to listen carefully even when a person talks about the methods of reproduction of geraniums and the shape of shoes in the time of Louis XIV.
Trust people, be open, at least until they show themselves to be a "radish", if you want to learn how to communicate correctly.
A neighbor may be harassing you with his endless repairs (and does he want to hammer a wall on Sunday morning?), but he may turn out to be a brilliant fitness trainer or an equally brilliant lawyer.
And who wouldn’t want to get a training program from this modern Apollo “for free”?
Be confident to yourself, like James Bond and the Terminator put together, if you want to learn how to communicate with people correctly.
Does not work? Then you have two ways:
“fall in love with yourself” the way you are in order to communicate confidently.
Yes, yes, with two crooked teeth, a receding hairline and a love of beer;
work frantically on yourself, correcting what can be corrected in order to learn how to communicate.
Let's be honest - the task is not easy, a sort of "way of the samurai."
But it is much more exciting to become a successful metropolitan "thing" than to revel in the title of "first girl in the village."
Call the person by name more often if you are trying to learn how to communicate.
Oh, how right old Carnegie was when he claimed that a person's own name is more pleasant than angelic chants.
Do we know about it? Certainly! Do we use it in everyday communication? That's the same...
Ask leading questions if you want to learn how to communicate.
Of course, it is not entirely correct to arrange an interrogation with an addiction to your interlocutor, but try to ask in such a way that it is difficult to limit yourself to a monosyllabic “yes” or “no”.
Don't be afraid to be a little provocative in conversation and feel free to ask about things that really interest you if you want to communicate properly.
Leave talk of the weather-nature for people gray as the London sky.
But if you sincerely admire the harmony that reigns in your friend's family, then you can ask her directly how she does it.
From her will not decrease, and, most likely, she will like to act as a guru of family happiness.
However, we must remember that if you want to learn how to communicate, you must know that there are “forbidden” topics that are right to raise only with a glass of good wine (or something stronger) with your best friend:
It is necessary to communicate with people correctly with their intonation and at their pace.
You should not tire an elderly woman with a speech in which words fly out faster than bullets, and annoy a busy boss to horror with the manners of a "Turgenev" young lady.
Try to speak competently, clearly and firmly with people when you communicate.
And for this, gentlemen, you should at least understand the subject of the conversation a little.
Therefore, if you set out to learn how to communicate with people, we advise you to turn off the TV, burn romance novels, women's magazines and other literary trash at the stake and “turn to the light” - popular science magazines and quality documentaries.
Work on your writing if you need to learn how to communicate.
“I am writing to you, why else?” - you, of course, are not Tatyana Larina, but these words should become your motto if you want to communicate with people correctly.
Psychologists say that there is a direct relationship between writing and the ability to verbally express one's thoughts. It’s not entirely correct to limit yourself to emojis on social networks!
To communicate with people correctly, use facial expressions and gestures sparingly.
You should not talk about a trip to the sea with a stone face, like a central television announcer, but waving your arms like a windmill is also not the best option.
“Do you know what the most vivid impression left from getting to know sunny Italy?
No, not pasta and pizza! I could not stop looking at how beautifully Italians and Italians gesticulate!
What a hand dance! And the raised eyebrow? This is their way of communicating!
In a word, it was inexpressible. I got the impression that I’m not walking the streets, but watching a performance!” - says Natalia from St. Petersburg.
Everyone will talk! 5 secrets of how to properly communicate with strangers
In order not to ask, as in the song “Wait, wait, where are you man?”, Having met a double of David Beckham in a bar, you should know how to communicate with strangers:
Tell something about yourself or ask for advice on when to communicate properly.
The fact that you had chickenpox in the fourth grade, you live in a communal apartment, and you have three people and a dog Zhuzha in your care, you should not immediately “load” a person, but if you write articles on psychology or recently finally got out to the theater - why not "hook" this interlocutor?
Try to repeat the last phrase of the interlocutor with an interrogative intonation when communicating.
This will help him show himself in all his glory (he will begin to delve into the topic), and you will earn a reputation as a "soul-man", which the world has not yet seen.
By the way, this technique is most often used by hitchhikers to talk to gloomy uncles-truckers.
Ask a question when interacting with a new person.
No, no, you shouldn't ask about Newton's third law and the rules for solving trigonometric equations if you don't want a "vacuum" to form around you at the party.
Questions "How do you like today's music?" or “How long have you known the mistress of the house?” will fit quite well.
Give a compliment if you want to communicate with people in the right way.
Even if the interlocutor is like a May rose, believe me, deep down he is happy that you found his dog, drooling on a sofa cushion, charming.
Take a look around, and use some of the surrounding objects as a clue to start communicating with people.
“I have one trick in communication that has never let me down: being at someone's house, I always look at the volumes in the bookcase.
Word for word - and now we don’t have a banal “chatter” that food has risen in price, all deputies are bastards, and neighbors are potential patients of a mental hospital, but we argue about who is cooler - Ian Banks or Haruki Murakami, Coelho or Castaneda. - shares Lyudmila from Chernihiv.
3 amazing exercises for those who want to learn how to properly communicate with people
"Ten Negreat".
Your task is to start a conversation with ten strangers in a day.
If you want, ask a handsome man for directions (and who knows where it will lead you?), if you want, finally find out the name of the janitor and how the neighbor has enough willpower to go for a run every morning?
"Conversation with a Cactus" in order to learn how to communicate properly.
Well, maybe not with a cactus, but with any inanimate object.
Try to broadcast at least 20 minutes every evening to a chair, window, or beloved cat about how the day went.
You look - soon you will switch to people! We believe in you!
"Praise me, praise me!"
Throughout the day, you need to compliment everyone you interact with.
And whether it will be an exemplary order in a friend’s apartment, your child’s “kalyaki-malaki” or cabbage cut into four pieces by her husband under the proud name “Greek salad” is not so important.
6 annoying “jambs” of those who want to communicate brilliantly with people
Although the art of communicating with people correctly is not a minefield where you need to control every step, but why “undermine” where you can do without losses?
How to learn the ease of communication and become a great conversationalist?
3 tips from American coach Brian Tracy in this video:
A real treasure! 10 most interesting books for those who want to know how to communicate with people the right way
For those who want to find the answer to the question "How to learn to communicate with people?", Our list:
| No. p \ p | Title, author |
|---|---|
| 1 | "Games People Play" (Eric Byrne) |
| 2 | "How to Win Friends and Influence People" (Dale Carnegie) |
| 3 | "How to talk to anyone, anytime, anywhere" (Larry King) |
| 4 | "Psychology of the Masses and the Analysis of the Human Self" (Sigmund Freud) |
| 5 | "Don't growl at the dog" (Karen Pryor) |
| 6 | "Grand Master of Communication" (Sergey Deryabo) |
| 7 | The Mentalist (Frederic Rapily) |
| 8 | "Hidden control of a person" (Viktor Sheinov) |
| 9 | The Psychology of Influence (Robert Cialdini) |
| 10 | "The power of charm. How to Win Hearts and Succeed (Brian Tracy, Ron Arden) |
So, if you do not want to be known as a "beech" - work on yourself, tirelessly. To know and understand how to learn to communicate with people— by the power of every sane person.
Yes, and don’t stop to chat with your neighbor only on “good” days, when you get enough sleep, everything is ok at work, and the new dress suits you amazingly.
Real ladies and gentlemen behave impeccably every day, not just on holidays. And who knows, maybe your phone will soon just “pop” from the numbers of new friends.
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Reading time 7 minutes
Many people are afraid of interacting with people. Some people easily speak to a huge audience, easily make acquaintances and easily support any conversation, filling it with jokes. For some, maintaining a normal everyday conversation is a whole problem. Why it happens? How to learn to communicate with people? Is it possible to learn to communicate easily and not feel fear, or is it a gift that is not available to everyone?
We need communication skills every day. Many people think that this skill is only necessary for businessmen to successfully negotiate. But it's not. Psychologists have proven that communication with people is one of the basic human needs that nothing else can replace. Any relationship between people, be it friendship, marital relations, is impossible without communication. This is a basic human need, on which the feeling of security depends, the feeling that we are loved and needed by someone, the feeling that we deserve respect.
Lack of ability to communicate often leads to divorce, because partners simply have not learned how to negotiate. Many suffer from loneliness only because they are afraid to approach and make a new acquaintance. Communication, relationships and psychology are inextricably linked and greatly affect the quality of human life.
The ability to communicate is necessary for every person, it is the key to success in many areas of life. You must understand that speaking and communicating are not the same thing. The concept of communication in psychology is a rather complex process that includes both verbal and non-verbal communication. An important role is played not only by the meaning of your words, but also by the timbre of your voice, intonation, postures and gestures. And the most important thing is the thoughts and feelings that are in your subconscious.
Interlocutors always feel what feelings and emotions you actually experience when you communicate. The psychology of interpersonal communication studies the problem, what are people really afraid of when communicating, what feelings do they experience? It can be fear of rejection or rejection, anger at offenders, fear of saying something inappropriately, of being misunderstood and not accepted, fear of expressing one's opinion, low self-esteem and problems with diction.
Fear of communicating with people usually begins in childhood. And as adults, many still cannot survive some of the psychological trauma inflicted by parents or peers. “Don’t talk nonsense” is the catchphrase of many parents, which sows self-doubt in a child for almost a lifetime. Anguished whiteboard performances or peer ridicule often influence. Of course, these may not be such deep problems. For example, a person may experience communication difficulties if they are unable to make contacts, are too modest, shy, have low self-esteem or complexes about appearance, are afraid of displeasing other people, or, due to their nature, are unable to listen and understand other people.
If you are aware of your problem and often say to yourself: “I can’t communicate,” then it’s time to talk to a psychologist who will help you find the cause of your communication disorder and give practical recommendations on how to eliminate them. You can also help yourself.
Now there are a lot of worthy books on the psychology of communication that are worth reading:
- "The power of charm. How to Win Hearts and Succeed (Brian Tracy, Ron Arden)
- The Psychology of Influence (Robert Cialdini)
- "Hidden control of a person" (Viktor Sheinov)
- The Mentalist (Frederic Rapily)
- "Grand Master of Communication" (Sergey Deryabo)
- "Don't growl at the dog" (Karen Pryor)
- "Psychology of the Masses and the Analysis of the Human Self" (Sigmund Freud)
- "How to talk to anyone, anytime, anywhere" (Larry King)
- "How to Win Friends and Influence People" (Dale Carnegie)
- "Games People Play" (Eric Byrne)
How to learn to communicate with people: the rules of communication
The best way to formulate the rules of communication is Dale Carnegie in his books. Here are some of them:
Communication secrets include non-verbal communication techniques. To fully learn to communicate, you need to learn body language. It is unlikely that anyone will carefully listen to the speaker, who will stand in front of the audience hunched over and mumbling something under his breath. People always pay attention to the posture, the timbre of the voice and the speed of speech. Also, special attention is drawn to the eyes of a person. We often notice that he looks confidently, askance, slyly or "eyes are burning." There are psychological trainings that teach you to look at the interlocutor correctly - directly, openly, with interest, without oppressing or belittling him.
As for facial expressions, you can use it to find out the mood of a person or send certain signals yourself.
By the gestures and posture of a person, you can easily determine whether he is closed or open during communication. If the hands are crossed, hidden in pockets or clenched into fists, then this indicates that the person wants to isolate himself from you, stop communicating. Open postures, turned palms indicate that a person wants to communicate. Openness techniques can also be learned in psychological training.
Unusual but effective communication techniques
To overcome the fear of communication, you can first try to communicate on the phone. Write down on a piece of paper all the questions you want to know and call, for example, a beauty salon. Find out what procedures are available, their cost, recommendations. This will be a great first step towards overcoming fear.
You can try at least 10 minutes a day to talk with a chair or flowerpot. It's very difficult, in fact. First, tell how you are doing, then make a conversation plan and stick to it. This is a very effective technique for overcoming fear in dealing with people.
Try to start a casual conversation with 10 strangers every day. For example, with a salesperson, a pharmacist, a neighbor, etc. Try each of them to say some kind of compliment. This will make you very liberated.
The psychology of communication helps a person get rid of the fear of communicating with people. First of all, the psychologist helps to realize that there really is a problem, helps to identify the cause of the problem and work on these problems.
A person who is aware of his fear of communicating with people should work hard to overcome these problems. In addition to psychological training, it is important to read a lot, learn more new information. The goal is not so much to become an interesting conversationalist as to become an interesting person.
If a person notices that they do not want to communicate with him, then he is not interesting. Lacks energy, drive, hobbies and hobbies. But we can fix it all.
Separately, there is the problem of communication with the opposite sex. How many single women and men who dream of meeting their soul mate. Again, fear prevents you from talking to a pretty girl or guy.
You should know that when communicating with the opposite sex, as soon as there is a moment when you have nothing else to talk about, the person loses interest in you. Therefore, you need to find out about the hobbies and hobbies of a guy or girl, try to figure it out so that you can easily keep up the conversation.
Often, guys and girls perceive the opposite sex as an alien creature, therefore, in order to establish contact, a girl will have to learn something about football and beer, and a guy about cosmetics and fashion.
With the opposite sex, try to behave naturally and positively, do not forget to smile, compliment, and show sincere interest.
Do not be afraid to admit if you are incompetent in some matter. Ask your partner a question, he will be pleased that you are interested in learning more about his hobbies. In general, when communicating with guys, it is important to focus on them, and not on yourself. And do not tell too much about yourself, a couple of facts from life and no more. Do not allow vulgarity and intimate details in the conversation at the first meetings. Avoid women's gossip and behind-the-scenes discussions.
When communicating with a girl, smile sincerely, say unobtrusive compliments and ask questions so that she can answer them in a detailed form.
In general, in order not to experience fear in communication, and in principle not to have any problems with it, you first need to become interesting to yourself and make your life bright and exciting. Everything you do, do it for yourself. You are responsible only for your life, your happiness. As soon as your life is filled with colors, people themselves will seek to meet you and have a desire to talk with you.
All in your hands!
The psychology of communication is undoubtedly one of the most important areas of our lives. Every day we, in one way or another, interact, meet and talk with people around us. This is a natural process emanating from the very nature of man as a social being.
However, sometimes situations arise when for some reason it is difficult for us to communicate, especially when it comes to interacting with the opposite sex, dating or maintaining existing relationships. Every person, with rare exceptions, undoubtedly feels the desire to communicate, but certain complexes, imposed beliefs prevent him from doing this. This article will reveal the basic principles and tell you how to learn to communicate with people.
Is there a way to relax and enjoy it? How to stop being constrained, overcome the feeling of anxiety and fear of communication, stop worrying over trifles and make your life much more pleasant thanks to this?
The key role of communication in human life has long been proven by scientists. Our well-being, successful life and relationships directly depend on it.
Before moving on to tips for dealing with communication fear, it is necessary to identify the very cause of this fear and the discomfort associated with it. Knowing the root of the problem, revealing its essence, it will be much easier to solve it.
How not to be afraid to talk to people
Perhaps the fear of communication lies in your childhood, think about it, maybe you will remember some kind of conflict that happened to you as a child.
Then you did not attach much importance to this, but the negative sediment remained on the subconscious, and now it prevents you from developing. In this case, you should consult a specialist, or undergo a series of psychological trainings that will help you overcome the current situation.
There may be other, less profound, reasons, such as:
- inability to properly build connections and relationships
- inability to make contacts
- lack of understanding
- excessive modesty
- your timidity, shyness
- excessive restraint and meekness
- low self-esteem
- complexes about appearance
- inability to listen and understand other people
- fear of causing displeasure of others
In order to overcome this fear, you first need to understand that…
- This fear must be acknowledged. Often people accumulate all their experiences within themselves, which further aggravates the situation, or they themselves cannot accept the problem, denying it day by day. It is best to tell someone about this fear. This is the most common way in psychology when you share a problem with friends or relatives and it becomes easier for you, you are no longer constrained by these thoughts. The feeling of negativity caused by your experiences comes out with the words. Talk about it more and more and soon, you yourself will no longer understand what you were so afraid of.
- Changes in you will not happen overnight. This process can take a long time, only daily long-term work on yourself will give fruitful results.
- You need to stop thinking about this problem. The more you focus on it, the more intractable it seems to you. Relax and enjoy the process.
- You have to do what you fear the most. Start chatting, talking to someone, and do it all the time. Continuous practice is needed. It is impossible to overcome psychological problems solely by reading literature and special articles. To learn how to calmly talk with people, to defend your position, you need to start acting. Confidence and calmness in communication directly depend on the acquired practical experience. The more of it, the better. Do not stop.
Remember, if you decide to fight a problem and do nothing, it means that you have made a decision to do nothing.
Fight with yourself, do not stop at the achieved result, believe in yourself and try to find a person who would support you.
- If you find it difficult to communicate directly with people, then start with phone calls. Think, maybe you have been planning to do something for a long time, and certain information is not available to you, and you can get it only by calling, for example, a help desk or an Internet provider. Start calling to find out the cost and all sorts of details. Write a list of questions you want to ask ahead of time and get started. Ask about the work schedule, their location, email address, mail, ask them to explain how you can find them.
- Gradually, you will achieve the desired result, the voice will stop trembling, stiffness will pass, and you will no longer need a sheet of questions, you will improvise. Thus, you will prepare yourself for the next stage − real communication. To do this, talk to strangers as often as possible, ask them specific questions or contact them with requests: find out how to get to the place you need, which bus is better to take, at which stop to get off, how to get somewhere where that or other organization. In stores, be sure to agree to the consultant's offer to help you (or go to the seller with questions yourself). Look for all sorts of reasons to communicate on your own, this will serve to effectively develop your imagination and relieve unnecessary stress when meeting new people.
- Try to read more, learn new information every day, and form your own opinion about certain events. Practice with loved ones more often, because when talking with them, you feel more relaxed than with strangers. Tell us about a movie you recently watched or a book you read: what you liked or disliked and why; your opinion about the main characters; plot; whether you will re-watch this movie or re-read the book, or perhaps try other books by the author.
What should I do if they don't want to talk to me?
There are situations when we come to a new team or we are invited to spend time in a company, however, contact is not established, you move away from the group and become a white crow, you are bypassed and avoid communicating with you. The reason for this can be a lack of energy, interest in others and life drive, as well as interests, hobbies and opinions.
If you are confident in yourself, then behave as naturally as possible and, importantly, maintain inner peace.
Don't give too much importance to what's going on. But don't wait for someone to come up to you and introduce you. Take the first step yourself, be more proactive, take part in discussions, do not refuse if you are asked for something.
Another problem can be communication with the opposite sex.
Let's get to the tips
How to learn to communicate with guys
Proper communication with a guy will help you build a good long-term relationship.
Remember, if the conversation has reached a dead end, and your interlocutor has nothing to talk about with you, then he almost immediately loses interest in you.
To understand how to talk and about what, try to find out who he is, what he does, if he has hobbies and what he likes.
Try to be positive and cheerful Everyone likes such people, they make you smile and forget about your problems. A smile always inspires confidence and encourages mutual understanding. In no case do not forget to smile, this will help you avoid tension in the conversation. Never wring your hands, do not cross them on your chest, because. this gesture on the subconscious is perceived as protection and closeness, unwillingness to contact, the desire to protect one's comfort zone. Do not be nervous and tense, do not bite your lips, this is also a sign of awkwardness. Be yourself.
When talking with a guy, try to choose topics that he is passionate about, try to understand them yourself, and only then move on to the discussion.
Of course, it is not necessary to know everything thoroughly. Ask him something on the topic, he will only be pleased that you are not indifferent to his knowledge and opinion.
Do not be silent, but if it happens that you do not find what to answer, then say that you are not familiar with it. Thus, you will be able to show your unobtrusiveness, the guy will understand that it is not so easy to interest you. If the guy asks to tell about himself, do not forget a couple of the main points about his life and that's it. Recall that when communicating with guys, it is necessary to focus all attention on them, and not on yourself.
You can talk with a guy on all sorts of topics, based on your mood, but without vulgarity and intimate details, this is unacceptable during the first communication. Try to talk on well-known topics, you should avoid women's gossip and discussing other people behind their backs.
The most important thing is to maintain a casual conversation, this will give you an idea of what exactly the guy is interested in.
How to learn to communicate with girls
If you like a girl and don't know where to start to strike up a conversation with her, then just smile and greet her. A warm and sincere smile always puts you in a positive mood when communicating. Try to keep your smile warm and sincere. Do this, and no girl can resist such a tempting invitation to meet.
« What should I talk to her about?”- such a question arises at the very moment when you find yourself alone with a girl you like, further acquaintance with whom would give you great pleasure.
Ask questions, but at the same time, avoid those that she could answer with a monosyllabic “yes” or “no”. Instead of: “Do you like this movie? – “What films do you usually watch?” or “How do you feel about…?” Unleash your imagination, find out more about your companion. This advice is really effective if you do not know how to talk silently.
Thanks to these tips, you will learn how to enjoy being in a company, and you will win people over. If you still feel that you are shy when communicating with unfamiliar people, remember what we told you today. It's time to conquer your fears.
Video: How to communicate with a variety of people?
Attention, only TODAY!
To better communicate, first, you just need to communicate. The one who sits at home and flips through the Internet in the hope of learning how to communicate is busy with the wrong thing. Go to people and learn to communicate.
Please note: do not just communicate, but - "learn to communicate." If until now you have (suddenly) done only two things in communication - you were angry when the interlocutor spoke beautifully, and you were sarcastic when he was wrong, then it is stupid to continue such communication, strengthening in it. The art of communication needs to be learned, like any other good deed.
How? Break this big deal into several smaller things and work on each area sequentially. There are many different tasks and directions in the art of communication, and in order to master everything successfully, it is better not to take on everything at once, but to master it in parts.
A good conversationalist is an interesting conversationalist. To be able to joke, surprise, intrigue, inspire - wonderful skills! This includes the ability to notice the unexpected in the usual, the ability to play with your intonation, and not mumble inarticulately under your breath so that the interlocutor tenses up.
Indeed, pay attention to the tempo and timbre of your voice, record yourself and your conversations on a voice recorder (this is convenient for those who have a recording function on their phone) - and by changing the characteristics of your voice, make it so that you like it.
How to be interesting for the interlocutor and what techniques can help in this is an important topic for many. Master the chips to create interest, but do not forget about the main thing: you won’t go far with chips, you need not only to seem like an interesting conversationalist, but to become an interesting person. This is also real, it just takes more time.
In the meantime, learn to listen to people. Surprisingly for many, but for your interlocutors it is important not so much what and how you say, but how you know how to listen to them. Some consider the ability to listen even more important. Stupid criticism, assaults, provocations, interruptions, conflictogens - it seems that the work in this area is a lot, however, all this rubbish can be removed with one wonderful exercise from the Distance arsenal: “If I loved the person who is now in front of me” . All that is required is to ask yourself the question: "How would I talk to this person if I really cared about him"? As if by magic, your look will become softer and kinder, and your communication will become warmer.
When you learn to listen, set the task to learn the interlocutor - to hear. Do you know how to hear in the speech of others that reasonable and useful, with which you can agree, what can be used? When you get used to finding the reasonable in the words of the interlocutor, you will become more attentive to your own speech: formulate the theses more accurately, provide justifications and illustrations, speak briefly and meaningfully.
Having learned to hear and be attentive to the content, turn again to the form, to the task of pleasing the interlocutor. Not just not to strain him, not just to interest him, but to build communication so that he feels smart, important, amazing. This is the art of a compliment, these are admiring eyes and this is again a voice - a lively and energetic voice.
And when you have mastered all this, think about the meaning of communication. You can be an excellent conversationalist and occupy many hours of your life with sweet and exciting communication, taking them away from something more important. You communicate - for what? For joy. Only? Practice focusing your speech. You say to happen - what? Do you want your interlocutor to do or not do something, to start doing it differently, to praise you or just laugh with you? Sometimes only thinking through the purpose of one’s statement completely changes both the intonation and the very content of it ...
This is how, gradually, you will move forward, rising all the way to new and new heights. And soon you will realize that you have achieved much more than you thought at the beginning: you were engaged in the art of communication, and gradually you became a leader and leader, you became an interesting and great person. Good result!
What is the best way to organize this study? For independent work, see the article "How to work on yourself", but not everyone knows how to organize themselves on their own. An easier option is to come to Sinton for Communication Mastery or Distance. There will be presenters, a serious program, and many, many observations, tips and opportunities for improvement. Working under the guidance of a teacher and trainer is both more effective and more fun.
We wish you heartfelt communication!
