We used to say that my husband cheated on me with another.
If we consider the situation from the point of view of betrayal, then resentment, anger, pain, suffering are inevitable.
And try to look at it differently: Did not change, but your husband fell in love with another woman.
Many women have faced a situation where the husband, having lived enough time in the family, found another woman.
This is a very difficult and difficult period for both women and men.
I foresee female indignation, they just think that they are the victims, but it’s wonderful for a man, he is in love.
I would like to assure you that this is not so. This is so until the woman or both begin to put pressure on the man.
Men come to see me, and quite successful ones, who find themselves in situations that turn even strong and successful men into completely helpless.
On the one hand, habit, duty do not allow breaking off relations with the family, on the other hand, new sensations, falling in love, passion, and sometimes love that has grown over the years, is drawn to another woman.
With the advent of another woman in the life of both men and women, a difficult period begins.
I know how difficult it can be for women to communicate with their husbands, as resentment, pain, injured pride do not allow them to communicate in a normal manner.
I know how painful it is to realize the fact that a husband loves another.
How you want to sarcastically, pin up or make an outright scandal.
It can be very difficult for a woman to hold back tears and she cannot pull herself together, thereby beginning to annoy a man, because he does not know how to react to such a manifestation of emotions. Feeling helpless results in his irritation.
The woman feels such intense pain that she does not know how to deal with it.
She desperately seeks help and support from a man, but he cannot give it to her.
It is very important for her at this moment that the man realizes his guilt and realizes the pain he caused his wife.
But often a man behaves in a completely opposite way, and instead of repentance, he simply withdraws into himself.
A man is so arranged that when they hear criticism, they only hear it, and behind it they don’t even feel guilty.
Or feeling guilty, they cannot admit it because of their childish stubbornness.
You must understand that I am writing here the problems of both men and women who are far from their spiritual development, spiritual people do not face such problems.
In the great value of life you need to put your spiritual and personal development.
The more spiritually developed a man is, the more he will understand women's feelings.
The more spiritually developed a woman is, the more she will understand male reactions.
Sometimes a man really doesn’t know how to fix this situation, and sometimes he just doesn’t want to.
Although I think - DOES NOT WANT, more true.
There is another behavior, your husband will have intimate conversations with you, swear that everything is over there, but when he crosses the threshold of the house he will do everything he did.
I think if a woman, after his promises, found out again that he continues to meet with another woman, then she must understand that her husband loves or is attached to another and that he CANNOT AND DOES NOT WANT to part with her.
Each person in his life makes a choice and most importantly bears responsibility for it.
If your husband, after clarifying the relationship and talking, continues a parallel connection, then you have a choice - either to fight, but not in the literal sense, or to leave.
To fight in this case means to accept the situation as such - you, your husband and his Mistress.
In such a struggle, patience will win.
And many women take FIGHT literally, without thinking about patience at all.
Or they begin to endure so much, trying to please their husband in everything, to be better than his mistress, that in the end, without getting a result, they lose patience and expel the husband.
To fight in this case means to act on the basis of depreciation, (first movement in the direction of the blow, taking it), the husband wants you to be in his life, and the mistress, so you need to give him this if you choose to fight.
If you are not ready to leave and you cannot change the situation, he still continues the relationship with another woman, then you need to stop fighting with your rival, you need to stop fighting for a man, for a relationship.
Try to spit on them, let go of the situation, although this is the hardest thing to do.
You must understand that by doing everything so that he leaves another woman, you cannot silence his feelings, you are powerless to influence the feelings of another person.
Accepting your powerlessness is a huge step on the way to YOURSELF.
You must understand that if it was so easy for him to leave this woman, this situation would not have arisen in your life at all.
Accepting the situation and letting go through yourself does not mean passively accepting, you need to actively accept the situation - accept the status quo, but at the same time start working hard on yourself, being active only in relation to working on yourself.
Anger, irritation should be a good resource for this.
You are alone at home ... And in any situation, you need to think first of all about yourself.
If fate wants to return the love of a husband, she will return to you, usually when you do not expect it.
To find you have to lose.
Rare relationships between a man and a woman can be called easy, uncomplicated. No wonder they say: where feelings begin, logic ends there. It seems that everything is fine, family, children, a joint well-established life, joint rest and so on. What else do you want? And what else do you need?
And then, like a bolt from the blue, treason breaks in, and not just treason for the sake of sex, but for great and pure love. The relationship in the love triangle is very complex, there are three main characters on the stage - she, he and she. So what's the right thing to do? How to deal with this difficult situation? Many women ask these, and not only questions, but what is there to hide, the most main question: how to return a beloved man, how to return love? That love that was at the first time of dating!?
I think he's cheating on me...
Sooner or later, such thoughts visit every woman, in some cases they may not be justified, but sometimes they turn out to be true. Unfortunately, the presence of a stamp in the passport, an oath, is not a guarantee that a man will always love his wife, and most importantly, will be forever faithful and faithful. This happens only in fairy tales, and with very rare exceptions.
AT real life everything is different, over the years of marriage, many women are faced with a husband's love for another woman, and, accordingly, infidelity. But it’s not worth throwing yourself into the pool with your head, first of all, you need to make sure that fears and suspicions are justified. And not simple conjectures - after all, we young ladies can be very impressionable. So what are the signs of falling in love?
Each situation and family is unique, each man has his own character and his own attitude to life, values and so on. But still, in most cases, male love manifests itself in the same way, only some nuances appear. As psychologists say, falling in love can be with a woman in open and closed relationships.
Open relationships imply the knowledge of the wife about the presence of any young lady with whom her husband is connected by work, interests, childhood friendship, and so on. They are forced to spend time together, and from time to time the husband and wife discuss their joint affairs and achievements.
Closed relationships are hidden from the wife; she cannot assume the passion of her husband. The husband himself is silent and does not betray the presence of a girlfriend in a single word. In each case, the signs of falling in love are slightly different.
Signs of open love
In this case, the husband’s girlfriend “does not get off his tongue”. In a discussion of general achievements at work, or a hobby, only the contribution of the passion is discussed. In a conversation, only one can hear: “Irochka then ...”, “Irochka behold ...”. As a result of the conversation, more is known not about the successes in the affairs of the husband or the common company, but about the personal successes of Irochka.
There is also the other side of the coin, they can speak negatively about "Irochka". Sometimes a husband can tell how bad she is, but at the same time remember her every half hour. We can say that this is a sincere attempt to protect oneself from feelings for "Irochka", well, or a deliberate deception - so that no suspicions arise.
Every woman should be alerted by the fact when her husband meets, brings, takes and meets outside of working hours with "Irochka". Fears can be in vain only if the husband is a personal driver and this is his job. Although even in this situation there may be suspicions.
Of course, you can justify your husband with his kindness and gallantry, but if the husband does not find time to go to the grocery store and do his household chores, then everything is clear. This is already a clear concern for another woman to the detriment of his own wife and family.
It is worth paying attention to constant SMS, solitary calls and correspondence on the Internet. Especially if the correspondence in social networks is under provocative pictures with subtle hints, or there are gentle emoticons in the correspondence. In this case, you need to be careful.
It is especially disturbing when meetings with "Irochka" take place to the detriment of relations with his wife. For a better understanding: for example, a cultural holiday was planned, but suddenly, the husband needed to urgently leave for work, urgently meet and discuss any business.
It would seem that everything is elementary - it is possible! Determining the love of a man in an open relationship can be simple. But there is a more complex option - a closed relationship.
Signs of closed love
In order to understand and guess about hidden love, it is necessary to show espionage qualities and wake up Sherlock Homes in yourself. The husband will not say a word about any woman, will not show his feelings.
The most important sign is a change in husband, starting from mood and ending with appearance. Falling in love changes not only a woman, giving her wings, but also men. The saddest thing is that the husband begins to gradually move away, interest in communication, sex, and solving family difficulties disappears.
In the presence of hidden relationships, all men try to hide their means of communication, the phone is always with them, social networks are “password-protected”, and even going to the toilet, the correspondence is hidden. The husband's mood is upbeat, even in spite of overtime work, frequent business trips, for which the missus is going on a date.
Sooner or later, if a man has another love, there is a lull in sexual life. At first, excuses: I was tired at work, something hurts, and so on, it would seem, the little things in life, it happens to everyone. But gradually, sex generally fades into the background and the husband can speak and openly express his unwillingness.
Against this background, reproaches are added, and seemingly harmless ones, for washing dishes not clockwise, undersalted or oversalted soup, with the obligatory “prefix” like this always, for pink toilet paper and other “charms”.
These points indicate not only that the husband is in love, but also that the previous relationship, and the very concept of the family, is going to hell. So what to do? And what is the plan of action?
Husband loves another: what to do?
The most practical advice is, is it necessary to return love? Will a woman be able to survive betrayal, and never reproach her? Or is the purpose of forgiveness of betrayal of love for another lies in the possibility of constant reproaches? If so, then don't!
In order to understand whether a man is needed, you need to think about how life will change without him? You need to be honest with yourself and put aside the financial side of the issue, and analyze only from the position of feelings, think carefully about betrayal, and is complete forgiveness acceptable?
If parting is acceptable, and those relationships, oppression, and just indifference turned out to be the last, decisive straw, then you can safely cut the ropes. And go free swimming. But if it is not possible to breathe without a beloved husband, then you will have to work hard and fight to the bitter end.
In the struggle for the return of her husband's love, one must begin not with calls to a rival and a showdown, but with oneself, and initially it is necessary to work on wounded pride and self-esteem.
What is the main thing in the addition of self-esteem and self-esteem? No, not knowledge of all the poems of A.S. Pushkin, and quoting Goethe, and, first of all, appearance. Approaching the mirror, you need to evaluate yourself, not extra centimeters at the waist, but find in yourself those virtues and pluses that have faded different reasons. By gathering all your virtues together, you get a “weapon” that will help return a man’s love. The most important advantage of a woman is that it was her man who took her to the registry office and legalized the relationship.
It’s great to increase self-esteem by changing your wardrobe, hairstyle, cardinal hair dyeing, buying stylish accessories. Moreover, in changing the image, there is a double benefit, as they say - we combine business with pleasure. The wife's self-esteem and self-awareness increase, the husband sees in front of him that beautiful woman whom he once led down the aisle.
A change in mood and behavior is also a weapon that must be used. How to hide sleepless nights with tears in the pillow? Good makeup and a permanent smile. Of course, it's hard to smile when you've been betrayed. But who said it would be easy?
Return of departed love: instructions for use.
Quite often, men mistake falling in love and all the charm of the candy-bouquet period for love. And the real feeling, with his wife, which has been tested over the years, has crashed on the rocks of joint life. In the arms of another woman with whom there was simply no time to start arguing, or to face some problems - good. How else? All beginning relationships are wonderful, and it seems that they are eternal.
But in fact it is a mirage. And psychologists advise letting go for a while, you should not hold on. Let the husband plunge into this relationship. Let him appreciate the housekeeping of another woman. It is difficult for many men to get used to other orders, if for many years socks have been lying on the third shelf from the left, and at the new “love” they lie at the very bottom, in a chest of drawers. That this, sooner or later, will become the subject, if not of scandal, but of conversation for sure.
And once again, when the unfaithful husband comes home, sees the already familiar order, the smell of his favorite dishes, this will make him think. Even if he immediately left, it is not worth the tears and screams in pursuit. On the contrary, this is a great sign - the ice has broken. The next time the husband returns home for something, he will remember the smell of his home, its structure and the way that was built together over the years. He will remember his wife, whom, by the way, he did not hide from prying eyes, whom he was proud of and boasted to his friends. Memories of past comfort, stability, old pleasant memories will make you think about whether this is love?
The main task of a woman is not to throw tantrums, but to let go for a while. Lack of drive, adrenaline, fear of being exposed, greatly affect the sharpness of feelings. And they give a man the opportunity to understand, but is it love? All romance and imaginary love, maybe slowly but surely disappear.
And one day the door will open, and the faithful will stand on the threshold, asking to be taken back to the family. But do not think that this is a victory. This is just the beginning. You can’t bring down your anger on your husband, shouting: “Well, what did you walk up? "Irochka" turned out to be bad ... Did you not salt enough borscht? From such scandals, mutual reproaches, a man may doubt the correctness of his choice.
The husband has already made his choice, he returned, he realized that the family is better, and his arrival is nothing more than a request to let him back in and, if possible, start all over again.
Basic Mistakes
The most common mistake many women make when dealing with infidelity is tantrums. It happens on a whim, as a matter of course. Scandals, showdown, tears, threats, sometimes even fights - these are situations that are typical in 90% of cases.
This situation "remained at the gene level", since the days of socialism. When a walking man was dishonored at a general meeting at work. And under the fear of being fired and surrendering my party card, I had to return to my family. The main thing is done - the husband in the family, but by what methods and with what consequences?
Today the situation is the same, only friends are used instead of the boss, to whom all the dirty linen is turned out, all family secrets are told. Many women go to blackmail, and any - with children, with their own lives. No wonder they say - you can lead a horse to a watering place, but you can’t force him to get drunk. Worth considering!
Therefore, in order for a man to fully return home, not only with his body, under the yoke of circumstances, but also with his soul, it is necessary to use female tricks. Women's affection should be turned on at full capacity, because it was her, in most cases, that the man was looking for on the side. And don't be afraid to look stupid.
Perhaps the man on the side was looking for sharing his own interests, therefore, you can start to delve into his hobby, perhaps even engage in it together. All topics that are discussed with the husband should be carefully chosen. Ideally, in this area, the man should be the most powerful and better versed than the wife. Men love to feel smarter and more important. He is the protector and head of the family.
Before you try to return your beloved husband to the family, you need to realize that the old relationship is in the past. They are over. It is necessary to build new relationships, in any case, even if the husband is the same.
In building a new relationship with an old husband, you need to close all your grievances in a dark closet and hang a barn lock. New relationships should start with a light heart. A woman should always remain a woman, and this is not necessary for someone, but for a woman.
You need to be gentle, purposeful, to be such a woman that not one man will miss. And even after getting married, you should not give in and relax - this is necessary, first of all, for the woman herself. Once this simple truth is in your head, no man will allow relationships on the side.
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Husband loves anotherHello, Elena.
My husband loves someone else. We have been married for 14 years and have two children. They lived, as it seemed to me, soul to soul. I tried to be an ideal wife: delicious food, comfort in the house, never capricious, no scandals. In general, she avoided what her husband did not like and did what he liked.And suddenly, like a bolt from the blue: the husband loves another and leaves. To say it hurt was an understatement. Saved, perhaps, only children. I was still breastfeeding my youngest. I forgave somehow right away (treason, with a sense of betrayal is more difficult), waited, thought - I was mistaken. He returned, said that there was love, but he agreed to try to restore relations. He did not last even a week, he himself began to communicate with that one, left again ... returned again ... And so for a year and a half. My husband says it's not my fault that he loves another, he doesn't love me. He offered to live simply as partners, for children.
Doesn't want to get divorced. He asked for time to make a decision and did not decide anything. And I love and wait, but I'm tired. Now, as a respectable father, he spends every weekend with his children, brings money, gifts, and is courteous with me. But the decision DOES NOT ACCEPT !!! And I continue to suffer: the mind insists there is no need to suffer, it is necessary to throw it away and not look where it has fallen, but the heart loves, hopes ... I am torn to pieces. Advise, after such a recovery is possible? I really need expert advice. Confused in my feelings, arguing with myself.
Hello.
The restoration of relations depends on the desire of the two, so it is always possible, but your situation has been going on for a year and a half, and has become stable. painful for all three, but sometimes it's the only way to save a relationship. Your husband wants to stay with you while fulfilling his other desires, and the current situation is the only way to do both. Love triangles can last for years.
It is typical for such situations that the responsibility for making a decision is assigned to the one who chooses whom to be with, and the other two people are waiting for him to make it. In fact, any of the participants in the triangle can make a decision. And here you need to think about what prevents you from making a decision. Are you more afraid of being alone than to endure the current situation? Do you tend to endure something unpleasant or difficult for someone for a long time?
The fluctuations that you experience will not disappear from the advice of a specialist or any other person, as they are associated with your personal characteristics. It's all about emotional dependency, which participants are always prone to. love triangles. To find the strength to make your own decision, you must first deal with your tendency to emotional dependence on another person.
No matter how wonderful the beginning of family relationships may be, no woman is immune from the fact that her husband will give his heart to another. Unfortunately, marriage is not a guarantee of fidelity and happiness. At some point, the spouse may cool off sharply towards the one he swore to eternal love. Most often, the reason for this is a feeling for another woman. It can be very difficult to recognize a husband's love, because the representatives of the stronger sex are not very emotional. Often they deliberately hide a new passion.
How to recognize that a husband has fallen in love with another?
So, the husband's love is open and secret. In the first case, it can be recognized by the following signs:
1. The husband does not hide from his wife the fact of communication with his colleague or friend of interest. When he and his wife discuss his affairs, he talks a lot not about the affairs themselves, but about his girlfriend, about how wonderfully she copes with everything, what a huge contribution she makes. Sometimes reviews about a woman are not at all positive. He can criticize and discuss her, thereby trying either to divert suspicion from himself, or to “protect himself” from love thoughts addressed to her. In any case, one thing is clear - he is not indifferent to her.
2. The husband regularly gives a ride, takes another woman, meets with her in a cafe or in other informal settings to chat on interests. All this can be taken for a simple display of gallantry. But if a spouse constantly refuses to take his wife to the store or solve some domestic problems, and instead communicates with another, this is already a reason to think.
3. Constant correspondence via the Internet or SMS. If a man and a woman correspond every day in in social networks It's possible that there is some kind of "chemistry" between them. Of course, you can communicate in a friendly way, but to a reasonable extent. If a spouse has become inseparable from a phone or tablet, constantly checking for messages, you can suspect that he is in love with another.
4. The husband prefers to spend time with his girlfriend at the expense of the marital relationship. He always finds a reason to meet his passion, and refuses his wife to go to the movies or just stay at home together.
The "open form" of falling in love is quite rare, because husbands, for various reasons, hide their sympathy for other women. Now consider the option when the husband is secretly in love with another.
1. He moves away from his wife, ceases to care for her. He is not interested in her affairs and does not want to dedicate her to his. He changes behavior. His mood is unusually upbeat, if not spoiled. If the spouse begins to make comments or ask about something, it irritates him greatly.
2. The husband loses intimate interest in his wife. He does not want to share a bed with her, and if he still fulfills his marital duty, but very reluctantly.
3. He does not allow his wife to access the means of communication: he hides his mobile phone, puts passwords on the computer. And his beloved, most likely, is recorded on the phone under the name of a friend whose wife does not know about the existence.
4. Husband takes care of himself more than usual, and every time he leaves the house, he preens as if he was going on a date.
5. He avoids his wife, does not want to talk to her to tell how the day went. He pretends to be tired so as not to share his thoughts.
What to do if the husband fell in love with another?
First you need to figure out what the wife herself wants. Is she ready to close her eyes to her husband's affair and forgive him for the sake of saving the family? Here it is necessary to take into account what family relations were before, take into account the characters and worldview of the spouses themselves. There are amorous people who constantly need fresh impressions. And yet, they are able to maintain their own families.
What you definitely cannot do is to openly reproach your husband, sort things out and arrange scenes of jealousy. Most often, female jealousy turns out to be in vain, and signs of a man’s love are non-binding flirting. Perhaps, excessive attention to the representatives of the weaker sex is due to the cheerful and open nature of a person.
What to do if you are still convinced that your husband is in love? The surest tactic for a wife is to pretend that nothing happened. You need to remain sensible and calm. “In love” does not always mean “love”. A banal affair on the side can be an occasion to shake up family relationships. A wife should pay more attention to herself: update her wardrobe, make a beautiful haircut, become interesting and mysterious.
The husband will see that there is a beautiful luxurious woman next to him, and again pay attention to his wife. After all, a fleeting infatuation is very rarely able to destroy a good marital relationship. A wife needs to love herself, and not become a victim. Constant worries and self-pity will only aggravate the situation. And only female wisdom is able to return the husband's disposition and save the family.
The husband fell in love with another. Signs of love.
Unfortunately, marriage is not a guarantee that the beloved man who swore love and fidelity to you will really always love you, and, most importantly, will be faithful and devoted.
More often this happens, only in fairy tales, although even there the heroes overcome a number of difficulties before they achieve the desired and long-awaited well-being.
What can we say about a life in which everything happens, and over the years of marriage, a woman may face such a misfortune as her husband's falling in love.
And how to be then? How to live a woman who understands for herself what betrayal is. And how hard it is when you see or guess that a husband has fallen in love with another woman.
First you need to make sure that the husband really fell in love with another woman so that jealousy is not in vain. Indeed, female jealousy often has no serious grounds, but it is she who can become a catalyst for the rapid destruction of relationships.
In order to understand whether a husband fell in love with another or not, you do not need to ask him about it. Rather, if you want your husband to stay with you, because you love him and your relationship is worth fighting for, then it is strictly forbidden to talk to him about another woman. And in general: you should try not to show the appearance that you know about your husband's love. At least until you clearly define your feelings and further actions.
The husband fell in love with another. Signs of falling in love
I must say that situations are completely different, but, for the most part, male love can be both in hidden relationships with a woman and in open ones.
Open is when you are aware that there is some girl or woman with whom your husband communicates. You know that they spend time together for work or interests. You are discussing some of their common affairs.
Signs of falling in love
1. The husband does not talk with great interest about the things they do together, but focuses the conversation on her.
For example, g When talking about a common business with her, he talks more not about this business or affairs, but about what she does, how she does it, what her contribution is. In a word, you know more about how she works and who she is than about the essence of things.
Moreover, it is not at all necessary that he speaks well of her, often a man can speak negatively about her. She might annoy him in some way. In fact, this is either a sincere attempt to protect oneself from feelings for her, or a deliberate deception. But the fact that he has feelings for her is a fact.
2. He calls for her, takes her, brings her, meets in an informal setting.
Of course, on the one hand, this can pass for gallantry, but if at the same time a man does not find time to take you to the store or do any other business with you, then this is no longer just gallantry, but caring for another woman.
3. Correspondence sms and via the Internet. If they communicate very often, and if emoticons with heart kisses and so on are sent, then you should be very wary here.
4. The phone is constantly with him. But if not constantly, then with less willingness he lets you near him.
5. Spending time with her, to the detriment of your relationship.
6. For example, instead of going to the movies with you, as before, he is “forced” to meet with her on some issues.
We think this is already enough to understand: is your husband in love with another or not?
Now about a more difficult moment: when the husband is in love in a hidden form.
Here the husband does not talk about her, and openly does not show his feelings in any way. Therefore, here it is necessary to show espionage qualities, and be quite careful.
So, the signs of falling in love in this case are as follows:
Signs of falling in love
The main thing is that the husband is changing, he is changing outwardly, he is changing in his mood. He moves away from you, you become, he is not interested, like a woman. He is no longer interested in things related to you. You will feel it. However, it is hard to understand what it is.
1. The husband tries to hide all means of communication from you.
2. Your husband has become very distant from you, and has ceased to show attention to you.
3. He began to take care of himself more than usual.
4. The husband is in high spirits if you do not spoil him, and if you spoil him, he is very annoyed with you.
5. If a husband is in love, he loses his vigilance. Especially if you don't check his stuff, at least he doesn't know it.
6. He has meetings all the time. At the same time, he looks like he was going on a date.
7. The husband refuses to have sex with you for a long time, and if he agrees, then without the same enthusiasm.
8. The husband pretends to be tired, does not share his experiences with you, does not talk about business, about how the day went.
All these signs point to the love of a husband. Of course, you can't say 100%. Here you need to know what the relationship was before, and how they developed, in order to understand exactly: is the husband in love or not? In any case, if your relationship corresponds to the above points, then they definitely need to be improved.
As we have already said, the last thing to do is to enter into open conversations and, even more so, to reproach and swear. We must first understand the situation. You must clearly understand what you want. And only after that make a decision. If you are afraid of making a mistake or do not know what to do, or how to return your husband's love, you can contact our specialists and describe your situation in detail. And our coach-master will develop personal recommendations for you, following which you will be able to achieve your goal.
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